Baby #2 Guilt

Before becoming a mom it never crossed my mind about how I would feel having more than 1 child. If someone would have ever brought this topic to me I probably would have gave a smart answer, and not given it a second thought. Well let me just say ,I wanted to have more than 1 child but I never expected to feel guilty. Yes, I felt guilt, and honestly I felt like we were cheating on Jaxon. OMG, the 1st time we left him to go to a doctor's appointment for a checkup on the new baby, I cried so bad on the inside. My DH though it was the craziest thing ever at first, but eventually he started to feel some of the guilt I was having. As time went on with the pregnancy and Jaxon could actually see my stomach growing, and recognize that it was baby growing it started to feel a bit better.

The morning I went into labor, I tried everything in my will not to go to the hospital. I knew once I went to the hospital that that was going to be it. My Jaxon was no longer going to be my only baby. My baby was going to have to share his momma with this new baby. How can I ever love another baby as much as I love my 1st baby, the 1st person to ever know the rhythm of my heartbeat. This was one of the most emotional moments of my life.

The moment I heard my Jonas cry out and feel his skin against mine, these feelings went away instantly. I know had 2 loves that had formed in my womb. Formed in a womb that was once bearing and not fertile. I knew once I held my Jonas that I could be his mommy and Jaxon's mommy and have no guilt. I could be their mom and show them what true love was. I vowed to never show favoritism between my children, and show them love equally.

I wanted to have my babies close in age so that they wouldn't have to experience childhood alone. As a child I grew up alone, and I wished that I could be with my siblings daily instead of holidays and summer break. Being the only child in the household had it's perks and disadvantages. One thing's for sure is you can count on your siblings to have your back.

I do have 1 on 1 time with them, because they have different personalities and deserve to have me all to themselves . I usually spend one on one time with them during the day during nap time. Jonas takes his midday nap a hour before Jaxon, so that's Jaxon and I time. Which put Jonas getting up from nap a hour before Jaxon, and that's our time. It may not sound like a lot, but it makes a difference.

I watch my JOF's and it makes my heart smile to see their bond. Where I thought Jaxon would be upset about having a baby brother, he is the best big brother ever. Their relationship is everything that I ever hoped and prayed for. We will continue to raise them to always love and look out for each other.